Bigfoot: Lessons Learned

Bigfoot Hoax: "Body" Is Rubber Suit

After an exhaustive few days, there has finally been new light shed on the recent Bigfoot discovery. Obviously, having an actual specimen is priceless and validates the critical nature of eraticating species like Bigfoot, purple spotted hairless platypus, lemon faced barracuda, etc.

Apparently, there are more claims that this was all a big hoax and that the frozen body of Bigfoot was really a "rubber suit". It's unfortunate that those connected to this situation (read "duped"), do not recongize the significance of this discovery and are further discounting the validity of the continuity of the searchability of Bigfoot.

If we analyze the situation from a different (read "more conservation-oriented") perspective, it is clear that Bigfoot's body composition is much different than originally assumed. Bigfoot is not part-human, part-ape, and part-chupacobra as expected. Bigfoot is actually a cross-species of the Michelin Man and the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. This explains the soft areas in the head after it thawed and is actually much more concerning than any ape-acobra thing. The lessons learned here is that you always need to expect the unexpected and Bigfoot may be edible.

The second salient point is that the body decomposed much quicker than anyone could of expected. After being frozen in a freezer, it was expected that the body would have lasted longer ultiamtely being utilized for years of research - probing, microscoping, testing, analyzing, etc. In reality, given the pressure of the ice on the body, it imploded on itself and ultimately decomposed as quickly as it thawed. The lesson learned is that if you catch a bigfoot put it in a walk-in regrigerator rather than a freezer. This way it will not decompose as quickly and if still alive will be able to get a snack.