I Need A Monkey

Dear Cult-Like Supporters & Stalkers,

I need your help. As a favor to a friend, I am trying to help another knot-for-profit organization find a monkey/chimp to rent in the Seattle, Washington-area.

I am not legally at liberty to say which organization this is, butt they are trying to film a short (30 seconds or so) youtube-style Public Service Announcement for web distribution.

Given my vast experience with animals and renting monkeys in the past, they've asked for my help. They are exploring their options and are trying to determine availability and costs because, as a knot-for-profit, they are underfunded.

Unfortunately, all of my industry contacts and usual monkey rentals are not available in the desired time frame (August/September '09) as well as the fact that it would be too cost prohibitive for them to fly a monkey to their location.

If you have any information on monkey/chimp rentals in the Seattle-area, please:

• Send an email to bringoutthechimp@purplespottedhairlessplatypus.com

Thank you,

Christopher Christophersonson II
Senior Executive Director
Foundation of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus
"GO E.C.O. - Eradicate, Conserve, & Orgasm"

Growing on You...

To all of our loyal cultlike supporters,

As you can imagine with all of the recent Foundation of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus media exposure from CNN, Discover, G4TV, SyFy, TMZ, etc., our "organization" is growing.

After months of tense negotiations and finalizing government approval to invest our stimulus funds alternatively, we were able to acquire "our" domain from the "other" Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus eradication organization. You will now find us at www.purplespottedhairlessplatypus.com.

Moving forward, you can now contact Christopher Christophersonson II directly at christopherchristophersonsonII@purplespottedhairlessplatypus.com.

To report confirmed or unconfirmed Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus or other invasive species sightings - Red Shoed Horse Ants, Pumpkin Stripped Panda Bears, Giraffes, etc., please e-mail killtheplaty@purplespottedhairlessplatypus.com.

Include, with your e-mail, any photos, video links, descriptions, dung samples, DNA testing results, bank account numbers, and cosmospatial diagrams.

Expedition Ice Crevice... CANCELLED!!!

After months of preparation for Expedition Ice Crevice, the expedition was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. On the morning of the expedition departure, Christopher Christophersonson II discovered that he was married, his "wife" was pregnant, and that she was having the baby THAT day.

The National Geographic crew was disappointed given the scientific significance of such an opportunity, but they made a lemon out of lemonade by spending their free time researching stripper fish and "Fauna" at the local research center, the Olympic Garden.

Following our expedition cancellization, there was an intense legal battle with the "other" Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus research and eradication organization. We fortunately won this battle, and we're ultimately able to get an injunction against them until we can reorganize our expedition.

Given the unusual circumstances and as you may have see in the media - CNN, TMZ, HBO, G4TV, Animal Planet Guam, etc., I am ecstatic to have another son, Joshuaua Carlos Juan Christophersonson.

Expedition Ice Crevice

There has been an unbelievable discovery of several ice-encased Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus' corpses in Antarctica. As the leading Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus research and eradication organization, we were contact first for the opportunity to examine the specimen.

We will be leaving for Antarctica on Expedition Ice Crevice on Monday, March 30th, 2009. The goals of the expedition are to gain a more in-depth understanding of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus' aging, distribution, and mating patterns of such a species. It was thought that they were created in a laboratory in the early 1950's, but this could blow that theory out of the water. This is a truly unbelievable discovery!

Apparently, the specimen have been preserved incredibly well and found in two separate locations - both ice caves. We intend on taking tissue samples for DNA testing, carbon dating, and geospatial analysis as well as photos to be published in the Journal of Illegally Introduced Non-Indigenous Species of South America.

Unfortunately, given the recent economic challenges and a daunting meeting with the foundation's Bored of Directors, our travel logistics are complicated. Just getting there will be a 5 1/2 day journey with 19 separate legs and no air travel. Starting in Las Vegas, Nevada, we will be travelling over 17,000 miles round trip including, but not limited to, stops in Canada, Bermuda, Guam, & Peru.

At present and after an intense bidding war between Discovery and National Geographic, NatGeo is scrambling to get their paperwork in order to join us. It was a last minute decision, but something they feel worthy given the nature of such a discovery.

We will be documenting our journey to the best of our ability as well as posting frequent updates at http://twitter.com/PSHPlatypus.

Bored of Directors Meeting

Today, as Executive Senior Director of the Foundation, I had the grand opportunity to meet with our Board of Directors. In preparation for the meeting, I had been renewing our organization's financials and kept asking myself the question they opened with, "Where did all the money go?"

After hours of analyzing financial statements, we discovered that we definitely have challenging times ahead. Apparently, our foundation's investment portfolio was heavily invested with Bernie Madoff and chicken poop fuel futures. Our losses do not include the current lack of donations from our key supporters given their personal financial situations, and the forecast doesn't look good. We feel that we will be able to survive this situation, but, like most organizations in today's tough economy, we will have to closely watch our cash flow.

I have been instructed to implement a new travel policy, which I've highlighted a few key changes below:

• We are no longer allowed to stay at 5-star resorts. We will now be limited to 4 1/2-stars or less, which is a major sacrifice.
• We can only travel by boat, train, bicycle, foot, and yak.
• Significant others (i.e. spouses, partners, girlfriends/boyfriends, strippers, etc.) are no longer allowed to travel with us.
• We must use unpaid, uneducated interns, if available at research/eradication location.

I have also been instructed to double our purple spotted hairless platypus eradication efforts and require that all of of our donors double their contribution immediately. Like you, I'd prefer not to lose my job as finding a job as an "Adventurer" can be quite challenging, so please Support the Cause!

Extinct Ibex Is Resurrected By Cloning...

Seriously? Resurrecting extinct species? What's next? Cloning Bigfoot?

Read more at http://tinyurl.com/clonedibex

Sea to Shinning Sea...

We recently returned from an exceptional expedition in Africa. It was an exhausting, yet exhilarating adventure. As many of you have read in your local newspapers, we discovered three previous unidentified species, which is always exciting. You will find the list below, which includes their Latin names:

• Golden South African Banana Crocodile, christophersonsonious biggious
• Fuzzy Green Legged Mouse Giraffe, tallious animalious
• Starry-Eyed Butterfly Shrimp, yumyumyum psst

Now that we are back in Las Vegas and have been granted permission to travel abroad (legally), we will be continuing our pursuit of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus in distant lands. Our next stop is Antarctica as we've received several unconfirmed reports of specimen that have been found in ice crevices . Apparently, the ice has preserved them exceptionally well - color is stellar, completely bald, and the spots are clearly present.

Seems like an odd place for a purple spotted hairless platypus, but, if, in fact, this is the case, this discovery will speak volumes to their distribution and how long they have been inhabiting our Mother Earth. This could be a much scarier problem that anyone ever could have imagined!