A Little R & R... PSHP-Style

After the whirlwind of chaos and utter excitement created by the recent Bigfoot and Abominable Snowman discoveries, I decided that I needed to sneak away for a little rest and relaxation. Sometimes it is nice to get out of the office and travel to parts unknown or off the beaten path... as long as your parole officer isn't privy of it.

After a short flight, I found myself in the scenic paradise of the great Pacific Northwest. Staying at a seaside retreat, I was able to enjoy the scents of saltwater mist and crusty fisherman. The Pacific Northwest always rekindles such fond memories... everything from the eradication of two-headed mango sea urchins to the inconclusive search for the green haired pandas of southern British Columbia.

For the first few days, this excursion seemed so distant from our true calling, but I was enjoying my time all the same. On the third night, things changed. It was as if I was living "The Blair Witch Project" when I encountered a species that I never really thought existed. I thought it was from the land of make believe... like dinosaurs, donkeys, and non-purple non-spotted furry platypus. To my fear yet tantalizing excitement, I encountered the fabled assacobra. As I've come to learn (and you should to), always expect the unexpected.

Although I am not quite certain the species that cross-bred to create the assacobra, I do know that it is a silent, but deadly creature. From my first hand encounters, I discovered that it is an ambush predator, yet will eat just about anything from people to cookies. It's silence is typically only broken by it's vicious "ROAR!" and the rustling of leaves as it ventures back to it's home in the forested landscape. It's scent is unrecognizable, but reminded me of my days in Cuba hunting the albino rhino with Fidel Castro.

Following the previous night's brief encounter, I tried to bait it in with a concoction of chicken, crab's blood, and dried kelp on the fourth night... a recipe I acquired from our friends at feedyourfable.com. Unfortunately, I had no success. On the fifth night, same recipe, same results. I thought this was odd considering that they eat just about anything.

It wasn't until the sixth night that I had a validated success. I had altered the recipe shifting from chicken to sausage and, to my delight, it worked. The beast moved in quickly and then scrambled into the bushes even quicker after taking three handfuls (they have three hands) of bait. The speedy beast never left me alone after that. You could see it's eyes sparkle as it watched me from the bushes waiting for me to let my guard down long enough for it to eat me.

I shot seven hours of video. Unfortunately, the video footage didn't turn out, but I plan to return in the next few months to re-confirm my confirmation, validate my conclusion, and make a final hypothesis on the cross-bred species.

In the meantime, it's back to our offices in Las Vegas, so that we can disseminate the near-conclusive evidence (suspected hair, scent, and secretion samples) from this eventful and near death encounter.

Bigfoot: Lessons Learned

Bigfoot Hoax: "Body" Is Rubber Suit

After an exhaustive few days, there has finally been new light shed on the recent Bigfoot discovery. Obviously, having an actual specimen is priceless and validates the critical nature of eraticating species like Bigfoot, purple spotted hairless platypus, lemon faced barracuda, etc.

Apparently, there are more claims that this was all a big hoax and that the frozen body of Bigfoot was really a "rubber suit". It's unfortunate that those connected to this situation (read "duped"), do not recongize the significance of this discovery and are further discounting the validity of the continuity of the searchability of Bigfoot.

If we analyze the situation from a different (read "more conservation-oriented") perspective, it is clear that Bigfoot's body composition is much different than originally assumed. Bigfoot is not part-human, part-ape, and part-chupacobra as expected. Bigfoot is actually a cross-species of the Michelin Man and the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. This explains the soft areas in the head after it thawed and is actually much more concerning than any ape-acobra thing. The lessons learned here is that you always need to expect the unexpected and Bigfoot may be edible.

The second salient point is that the body decomposed much quicker than anyone could of expected. After being frozen in a freezer, it was expected that the body would have lasted longer ultiamtely being utilized for years of research - probing, microscoping, testing, analyzing, etc. In reality, given the pressure of the ice on the body, it imploded on itself and ultimately decomposed as quickly as it thawed. The lesson learned is that if you catch a bigfoot put it in a walk-in regrigerator rather than a freezer. This way it will not decompose as quickly and if still alive will be able to get a snack.

Bigfoot? AWESOME!

Body Proves Bigfoot No Myth, Hunters Say

Seriously? This is ridiculiously AWESOME! And, just the type of publicity an environmental organization like ours needs right now...

The number of inquiries from media and concerned citizens has been overwhelming. Seriously overwhelming to the point that, if we do not respond to your e-mails in a timely fashion, please understand that we are care but only have two hands (and one is usually clutching a Dr. Pepper).

Locating a species like BIGFOOT (aka Yeti, Sasquatch, Big Hairy Guy, etc.) solidifies the concerns of multi-cross-exotic-species more than discovering Nessie or even Santa Claus. It draws awareness to the fact that there are species in your own backyard that will devour you if you drink too much and fall asleep naked in the woods. This reminds me of our time in Peru... nevermind.

There are a lot of people that are discounting the fact that these two distinguished gentleman do not really have the body of Bigfoot. Truth is that these same people are afraid of reality. They are the same people that will tell their children that the Easter Bunny does not exist.

In the coming days, it will become increasing clear that these gentleman do in fact have the body of Bigfoot. Unfortunatley, I will be missing the celebration as I have another 60 hours of "volunteer" work.

Micro-Blogging Links

Loyal followers, you will find it easier to "Support the Cause!" now that we've added links to Twitter and hellotxt.

Our goal is to help you help us spread awareness of the Foundation of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus as easily as possible., so micro-blog away...

Also, we've updated the Liability Disclaimer and added a Privacy Policy here.

Later Rather Than Sooner...

It seems like everytime something extraordinary happens, we have to take two steps back. As you are likely aware, our Belize trip was posponed indefinitely. We are now restricted to staying stateside for the next 6 to 12 months depending upon multiple pending "issues".

Apparently our passports have been revoked for "reasons beyond our control" and "international peace purposes". The upside is that our work is being recognized internationally, righ?

For now, we will continue to focus on the multi-cross-species found in the lush deserts of Nevada. Stay tuned...

Extended Stay Resort...

First, Happy New Year!

Second, my apologies to our loyal, cult-like followers for not posting on the exploits at Christmas Island sooner, but after you read our report you may understand why.

Christmas Island was amazing yet invigerating with the red lipped mountain lion and Christmas Island government winning (this time) over the Foundation of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus.

Although we were not able to confirm the existence of the red lipped mountain lion on Christmas Island, we did discover that Christmas Island has a federal maximum security prison after a little mis-understanding.

The first few days seemed rock solid... Unconfirmed reports, photographic evidence, and biokinetic samples were coming out of the wood work everywhere. It was like falling off a log.

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Red Lipped Mountain Lion Fact of the Day:

Did you know that a coconut floating in the water with a slight wind chop looks like the head of red lipped mountain lion chasing prey in the Pacific Ocean? Unfortunately, there are a lot of coconuts in the area.

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After day three, everything went down hill... during a conversation with a local authority, we were arrested and spent Christmas and New Years in the previously mentioned federal establishment. Quite ironic... considering it's called "Christmas" Island.

Apparently, they thought we were with another organization - not to be named, but rhymes with peen piece. It seems there had been a "situation" earlier in the year - something about the ramming of sport fishing boats due to the inhumane nature of catching bonefish on a fly rod.

Anyway, after many long nights and deep conversations with fellow inmates, we were able to plead our case to the right person and they released us.

We will be returning to Christmas Island, but it won't be for some time and definitely not under our real names.

In the coming weeks, we plan to document our expediton - specifically the enlightening conversations with the inmates - and will post for your general knowledge. They shared their thoughts on global warming, HGH use in trigomist animals, geobiological autokinetics, bonefishing, and much, much more.

For now, we will rest here in Las Vegas before the next quest. Hopefully, we will be able to re-schedule the trip to Belize sooner than later.

Support the Cause!

We are wrapping up our final night in Hawaii prior to our expedition to Christmas Island for the red lipped mountain lion search and destroy mission. We anticipate being on Christmas Island through New Years, but it is still unclear if we will be returning through Hawaii (see update below) or re-routing through another yet to be determined locale.

These are definitely exciting times! We are constantly receiving (from our valued supporters) and uncovering unconfirmed sightings and uncircumstandtial evidence at extraordinary destinations across the globe:

• Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus in Belize City, Belize
• Red Eyed Tree Slugs in Buenos Aires, Argentina
• Miniature Kodiak Green Bears in Kodiak, Alaska
• Atlantic Pink Dog Salmon in Stockholm, Sweden
• Polar Leopard Sea Cucumbers in Brisbane, Australia
• One Armed Silver Banded Lizards in Las Vegas, Nevada

In reality, there are too many migratory non-indigenous species to eradicate in one lifetime, but that's why we ask you to "Support the Cause!"

You're a smart cookie... you've likely already seen the "Support the Cause!" section. As a loyal (almost cult-like) follower, please do what you can to spread the word... DONATE NOW, Introduce-A-Friend, del.icio.us, or digg this.

Hawaii Update: Unfortunately, once again, we've found ourselves going down the wrong crossroads. Despite our early success on this trip, a purple spotted hairless platypus has yet (and likely won't be unless it sits on my lap while on the loo) to be captured, killed, and photographed. In addition, although the scuba diving excursion was breath taking, we did not encounter, spear to death, or photograph a three headed finless lionfish either.

It is also disappointing to report that our two new staff members have decided that they were better suited as waitresses in the Bahamas and will be catching a ferry to the mainland sometime this month.

On a positive side, we are now seeking to fill two positions. If you or anyone you know is interested in supporting a great cause for little or no pay, please visit our Careers section.

Christmas Island Here We Come!

Our Belize expedition has been temporally postponed. After another exciting day in Hawaii, we just received a report of an outstanding discovery on Christmas Island. And, considering that we are half way there, thought we would make the puddle jump across the Pacific Ocean.

On Christmas Island, located in the middle of nowhere and known for it's world-class bonefishing, reports are surfacing of a red lipped mountain lion, which is incredibly amazing considering the landscape and lack of significant foliage. This is clearly a transplanted crossbreed as there have not been a reported sighting of a mountain lion, red owl, and/or lipped sea cucumber on Christmas Island since the 1960's.

We have expedited our travel arrangements and will be leaving on Wednesday. Hopefully, we will have encountered and extinguished the purple spotted hairless platypus reported in Hawaii by then, so that we can focus on eradicating the red lipped mountain lion of Christmas Island.

Hawaii Update: In addition to the half plaster cast of track, four unconfirmed sightings, and reports of a three headed finless lionfish, we've discovered a 1/4-inch piece of an abalone shell that appears to have been devoured by a purple spotted hairless platypus. On the other hand, it may have been a green sea turtle, so we have sent it in for geobiological forensics testing.

Hawaii Update

WOW! Hawaii has proven incredibly promising... As a result of our visit, we have a plaster mold of half of a purple spotted hairless platypus track as well as four unconfirmed sightings.

This provides great validation for our organization - especially at a time when our shear existence is so controversial. As you can imagine, there are many doubters out there... often referring to themselves as "FPSHP Haters". This, of course, is incredibly unfortunate considering the dangers presented by such crossbreeds as the purple spotted hairless platypus.

For a moment, just consider the Foundation of the Purple Spotted Hairy Kangaroo. Had the dangers been recognized, funding would not have been an issue. On the other hand, if the Directors of the organization hadn't bet all of their funding on the University of Oregon to win the BCS Championship maybe they would still be around. Fortunately, we did not make that decision... we bet on LSU and still have a chance.

To that end - although we have yet to capture any purple spotted hairless platypus on this expedition, we will be heading to Belize in four days to explore the rain forests, investigate reports from local villagers, and bring in the New Year.

Myths, Lies, and Untruths

First, once again, thank you to our countless supporters that contacted us regarding the recent myths, lies, and untruths surrounding our foundation being closed. Fortunately, the information recently reported and posted at www.tmz.com is false.

Recognizing that this was simply an error, we have decided to proceed without legal action with anyone involved. We are fully capable of moving on without additinional recourse.

On a positive side, the recent coverage relating to the story has driven our web traffic significantly. The clear benefit is that more of Mother Nature's children will now be aware of the dangers of exotic species being introduced into the wild - specifically, of course, the dangers that the purple spotted hairless platypus present.

As a point of clarification, the Foundation of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus has not closed due to lack of funding and gross misappropriation of funds. We believe that there has been some confusion with our foundation and another that recently closed possibly due to those factors.

Due to a general similarity in names, we can understand the confusion. Another foundation that recently closed is the Foundation of the Purple Spotted Hairy Kangaroo.

For additional information and/or media inquires, please feel free to contact me directly.