HQ Renovations

In preparation for the 4th Annual Foundation Benefactor Dinner and as a result of the golden arched pygmy cricket infestation, we are renovating the Foundation's Headquarters. Basically, in our effort to remove the apparently deadly golden arched pygmy crickets, we removed the sheetrock and toilets.

Thus far, it has been an exciting yet awkward under taking. We believe that when we replaced the sheetrock that we trapped the cricket creatures inside the walls, but, unfortunately, they are so pygmy that they were challenging to identify.

With only six days left, we are now painting and pressure washing the toilets. As most of you are aware, I really like toilets, but hate painting. Fortunately, we were able to train the 3 1/2 armed magenta monkeys that we captured in Argentina to paint, so that has made the painting easier to cope with.

On a side note, for those that will be attending the event, you will gracious to hear that we will be eradicating 3 1/2 armed magenta monkeys that evening.

We look forward to seeing everyone that received their engraved invitations at the dinner. If you didn't receive yours invitation and you donated over $20,000 this year, please contact Droofus Pertersonson V at (800) Kill Platy.

Support the Cause!

We are wrapping up our final night in Hawaii prior to our expedition to Christmas Island for the red lipped mountain lion search and destroy mission. We anticipate being on Christmas Island through New Years, but it is still unclear if we will be returning through Hawaii (see update below) or re-routing through another yet to be determined locale.

These are definitely exciting times! We are constantly receiving (from our valued supporters) and uncovering unconfirmed sightings and uncircumstandtial evidence at extraordinary destinations across the globe:

• Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus in Belize City, Belize
• Red Eyed Tree Slugs in Buenos Aires, Argentina
• Miniature Kodiak Green Bears in Kodiak, Alaska
• Atlantic Pink Dog Salmon in Stockholm, Sweden
• Polar Leopard Sea Cucumbers in Brisbane, Australia
• One Armed Silver Banded Lizards in Las Vegas, Nevada

In reality, there are too many migratory non-indigenous species to eradicate in one lifetime, but that's why we ask you to "Support the Cause!"

You're a smart cookie... you've likely already seen the "Support the Cause!" section. As a loyal (almost cult-like) follower, please do what you can to spread the word... DONATE NOW, Introduce-A-Friend, del.icio.us, or digg this.

Hawaii Update: Unfortunately, once again, we've found ourselves going down the wrong crossroads. Despite our early success on this trip, a purple spotted hairless platypus has yet (and likely won't be unless it sits on my lap while on the loo) to be captured, killed, and photographed. In addition, although the scuba diving excursion was breath taking, we did not encounter, spear to death, or photograph a three headed finless lionfish either.

It is also disappointing to report that our two new staff members have decided that they were better suited as waitresses in the Bahamas and will be catching a ferry to the mainland sometime this month.

On a positive side, we are now seeking to fill two positions. If you or anyone you know is interested in supporting a great cause for little or no pay, please visit our Careers section.