Expedition Ice Crevice

There has been an unbelievable discovery of several ice-encased Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus' corpses in Antarctica. As the leading Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus research and eradication organization, we were contact first for the opportunity to examine the specimen.

We will be leaving for Antarctica on Expedition Ice Crevice on Monday, March 30th, 2009. The goals of the expedition are to gain a more in-depth understanding of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus' aging, distribution, and mating patterns of such a species. It was thought that they were created in a laboratory in the early 1950's, but this could blow that theory out of the water. This is a truly unbelievable discovery!

Apparently, the specimen have been preserved incredibly well and found in two separate locations - both ice caves. We intend on taking tissue samples for DNA testing, carbon dating, and geospatial analysis as well as photos to be published in the Journal of Illegally Introduced Non-Indigenous Species of South America.

Unfortunately, given the recent economic challenges and a daunting meeting with the foundation's Bored of Directors, our travel logistics are complicated. Just getting there will be a 5 1/2 day journey with 19 separate legs and no air travel. Starting in Las Vegas, Nevada, we will be travelling over 17,000 miles round trip including, but not limited to, stops in Canada, Bermuda, Guam, & Peru.

At present and after an intense bidding war between Discovery and National Geographic, NatGeo is scrambling to get their paperwork in order to join us. It was a last minute decision, but something they feel worthy given the nature of such a discovery.

We will be documenting our journey to the best of our ability as well as posting frequent updates at http://twitter.com/PSHPlatypus.

Bored of Directors Meeting

Today, as Executive Senior Director of the Foundation, I had the grand opportunity to meet with our Board of Directors. In preparation for the meeting, I had been renewing our organization's financials and kept asking myself the question they opened with, "Where did all the money go?"

After hours of analyzing financial statements, we discovered that we definitely have challenging times ahead. Apparently, our foundation's investment portfolio was heavily invested with Bernie Madoff and chicken poop fuel futures. Our losses do not include the current lack of donations from our key supporters given their personal financial situations, and the forecast doesn't look good. We feel that we will be able to survive this situation, but, like most organizations in today's tough economy, we will have to closely watch our cash flow.

I have been instructed to implement a new travel policy, which I've highlighted a few key changes below:

• We are no longer allowed to stay at 5-star resorts. We will now be limited to 4 1/2-stars or less, which is a major sacrifice.
• We can only travel by boat, train, bicycle, foot, and yak.
• Significant others (i.e. spouses, partners, girlfriends/boyfriends, strippers, etc.) are no longer allowed to travel with us.
• We must use unpaid, uneducated interns, if available at research/eradication location.

I have also been instructed to double our purple spotted hairless platypus eradication efforts and require that all of of our donors double their contribution immediately. Like you, I'd prefer not to lose my job as finding a job as an "Adventurer" can be quite challenging, so please Support the Cause!

Extinct Ibex Is Resurrected By Cloning...

Seriously? Resurrecting extinct species? What's next? Cloning Bigfoot?

Read more at http://tinyurl.com/clonedibex

Sea to Shinning Sea...

We recently returned from an exceptional expedition in Africa. It was an exhausting, yet exhilarating adventure. As many of you have read in your local newspapers, we discovered three previous unidentified species, which is always exciting. You will find the list below, which includes their Latin names:

• Golden South African Banana Crocodile, christophersonsonious biggious
• Fuzzy Green Legged Mouse Giraffe, tallious animalious
• Starry-Eyed Butterfly Shrimp, yumyumyum psst

Now that we are back in Las Vegas and have been granted permission to travel abroad (legally), we will be continuing our pursuit of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus in distant lands. Our next stop is Antarctica as we've received several unconfirmed reports of specimen that have been found in ice crevices . Apparently, the ice has preserved them exceptionally well - color is stellar, completely bald, and the spots are clearly present.

Seems like an odd place for a purple spotted hairless platypus, but, if, in fact, this is the case, this discovery will speak volumes to their distribution and how long they have been inhabiting our Mother Earth. This could be a much scarier problem that anyone ever could have imagined!

Happy Old Year!

For those unfortunate supporters that have not received the annual end of year letter for what ever reason (i.e. inclimate weather, change of address, we did not send it, etc.), you will find it posted below:

"Dear Loyal Foundation of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus Supporter,

As the year winds down and we reflect on the events and non-indigenous-multi-crossbred-exotic species that have had an impact on us, we'd like to thank you for your unconditional support. Without you, our organization would simply be a joke - a non-reality that seems funny, but is rather sad given the dangers of the purple spotted hairless platypus and the other non-indigenous-multi-crossbred-exotic species that we are fortunate enough to research, track, encounter, and eradicate.

This year, we had the opportunity to travel the globe (when not on house arrest) and encounter some of the most heinous non-confirmed species alive - from the vicious Royal Oriole to the Assacobra in the Pacific Northwest. We, like many organizations in these challenging economic times, we're struggling to survive at times, but we're able to overcome the obstacles that were placed in front of us - like extradition, revoked passports, feral cats, and sausages - with your support and particularly your donations.

While 2008 was the year to MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN, we've realized that, in 2009, we will be faced with new challenges that we will have to adapt to. With your continued support, we believe there is a 50/50 chance that we will make it.

TIMES RUNNING OUT,

Christopher Christophersonson II
Senior Director
Foundation of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus

Elf Off

Although a little anxious to post this given that some of you fear elves as much as you do the vicious Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus, you must keep in mind that elves are just as non-indigenous and detrimental to the balance of the circle of life in the fast lane as other species. Watch the horror and carnage for yourself in this recent video footage shot at an undisclosed location.

Random Dung

This has been such an amazing, whirlwind year and, here we are, with only 30 days left until another historic year. It seems like just yesterday that we were "volunteering" at that Christmas Island federal penal facility. Now, we are preparing for our epic expeditions across the extreme environments that our ever endearing Mother Earth has earmarked for us. And, the vision for next year has gotten much clearer now that we have our passports back and can legally take these ankle bracelets off.

For now, I'm not going to bore you with the details as you should be receiving the Season's Greetings Letter, Annual Report, & Donation Requests in the mail before too long. For those that do not receive their personally autographed letters for whatever the reason, we will be posting it here (as we send you all the same "We are great! Donate now!" letter regardless of how much you donate).

HQ Renovations

In preparation for the 4th Annual Foundation Benefactor Dinner and as a result of the golden arched pygmy cricket infestation, we are renovating the Foundation's Headquarters. Basically, in our effort to remove the apparently deadly golden arched pygmy crickets, we removed the sheetrock and toilets.

Thus far, it has been an exciting yet awkward under taking. We believe that when we replaced the sheetrock that we trapped the cricket creatures inside the walls, but, unfortunately, they are so pygmy that they were challenging to identify.

With only six days left, we are now painting and pressure washing the toilets. As most of you are aware, I really like toilets, but hate painting. Fortunately, we were able to train the 3 1/2 armed magenta monkeys that we captured in Argentina to paint, so that has made the painting easier to cope with.

On a side note, for those that will be attending the event, you will gracious to hear that we will be eradicating 3 1/2 armed magenta monkeys that evening.

We look forward to seeing everyone that received their engraved invitations at the dinner. If you didn't receive yours invitation and you donated over $20,000 this year, please contact Droofus Pertersonson V at (800) Kill Platy.

Yum Yum Yum...

After our recent venture to the Pacific Northwest, we received word from our friends at feedyourfable.com that there was a "restaurant" in Minneapolis, Minnesota that had the perfect recipe - some crazy sausage concoction - for attracting the elusive assacobra.

The name of this "restaurant" is Hell's Kitchen (not to be confused with the show of same said name). It sounded suspect from the beginning, but, as you are well aware as loyal followers of our sometimes misguided adventures, we are always up for an expedition, so, after a little research, we found ourselves on a plane, then a train, and even an automobile.

We adamantly admit... Minneapolis seems like such an odd place to find a recipe like this because there hasn't been a reported sighting of an assacobra since 1963. Regardless, we were there, so we headed to Hell's Kitchen the first morning. Like most people in this industry, they had to make ascertain that we are legitimate before giving us the sausage. They made us sample the recipe and, as it turns out, it's okay for human consumption.

In the end, it turned out to be a scrumptious sausage loaf. Apparently, they take the sausage from a bison and put it in bread. Seriously? Who would of thought that it would be that easy? Sounds a little odd, but, given some of the things we've eaten in the past, it was... yum yum yum.

We crated up 50 pounds of it and are having it shipped directly to the Pacific Northwest for our continuing scientific research and are hoping that it does not decompose like Bigfoot's body did earlier this summer.

Side Note: On the evening prior to our return to Las Vegas, we confirmed a sighting of a royal oriole. We acknowledge that unfortunately this isn't as elusive of a species as our other discoveries and eradications, but felt that it was critical to note. For those not privy to the species, it's slightly different than a true oriole and recognized by it's incoherent squawks and blue and white colors (in addition to traditional orange and black). Typically, it does not attempt to hide it's presence, which has made it easier to eradicate for those of us in the Public Safety field.

Green Polar Bears?

Algae-dyed polar bears puzzle Japan zoo visitors

Although I've chased the green haired pandas of Southern British Columbia, until now I've never heard of the green polar bears of Japan! What are the odds?

I do think it's peculiar that they believe the green color is from "algae". From our experience, the only reasonable explanation is that the polar bears have crossbred with long-haired iguanas, non-indigenious to Kenya.