A Little R & R... PSHP-Style

After the whirlwind of chaos and utter excitement created by the recent Bigfoot and Abominable Snowman discoveries, I decided that I needed to sneak away for a little rest and relaxation. Sometimes it is nice to get out of the office and travel to parts unknown or off the beaten path... as long as your parole officer isn't privy of it.

After a short flight, I found myself in the scenic paradise of the great Pacific Northwest. Staying at a seaside retreat, I was able to enjoy the scents of saltwater mist and crusty fisherman. The Pacific Northwest always rekindles such fond memories... everything from the eradication of two-headed mango sea urchins to the inconclusive search for the green haired pandas of southern British Columbia.

For the first few days, this excursion seemed so distant from our true calling, but I was enjoying my time all the same. On the third night, things changed. It was as if I was living "The Blair Witch Project" when I encountered a species that I never really thought existed. I thought it was from the land of make believe... like dinosaurs, donkeys, and non-purple non-spotted furry platypus. To my fear yet tantalizing excitement, I encountered the fabled assacobra. As I've come to learn (and you should to), always expect the unexpected.

Although I am not quite certain the species that cross-bred to create the assacobra, I do know that it is a silent, but deadly creature. From my first hand encounters, I discovered that it is an ambush predator, yet will eat just about anything from people to cookies. It's silence is typically only broken by it's vicious "ROAR!" and the rustling of leaves as it ventures back to it's home in the forested landscape. It's scent is unrecognizable, but reminded me of my days in Cuba hunting the albino rhino with Fidel Castro.

Following the previous night's brief encounter, I tried to bait it in with a concoction of chicken, crab's blood, and dried kelp on the fourth night... a recipe I acquired from our friends at feedyourfable.com. Unfortunately, I had no success. On the fifth night, same recipe, same results. I thought this was odd considering that they eat just about anything.

It wasn't until the sixth night that I had a validated success. I had altered the recipe shifting from chicken to sausage and, to my delight, it worked. The beast moved in quickly and then scrambled into the bushes even quicker after taking three handfuls (they have three hands) of bait. The speedy beast never left me alone after that. You could see it's eyes sparkle as it watched me from the bushes waiting for me to let my guard down long enough for it to eat me.

I shot seven hours of video. Unfortunately, the video footage didn't turn out, but I plan to return in the next few months to re-confirm my confirmation, validate my conclusion, and make a final hypothesis on the cross-bred species.

In the meantime, it's back to our offices in Las Vegas, so that we can disseminate the near-conclusive evidence (suspected hair, scent, and secretion samples) from this eventful and near death encounter.

Bigfoot: Lessons Learned

Bigfoot Hoax: "Body" Is Rubber Suit

After an exhaustive few days, there has finally been new light shed on the recent Bigfoot discovery. Obviously, having an actual specimen is priceless and validates the critical nature of eraticating species like Bigfoot, purple spotted hairless platypus, lemon faced barracuda, etc.

Apparently, there are more claims that this was all a big hoax and that the frozen body of Bigfoot was really a "rubber suit". It's unfortunate that those connected to this situation (read "duped"), do not recongize the significance of this discovery and are further discounting the validity of the continuity of the searchability of Bigfoot.

If we analyze the situation from a different (read "more conservation-oriented") perspective, it is clear that Bigfoot's body composition is much different than originally assumed. Bigfoot is not part-human, part-ape, and part-chupacobra as expected. Bigfoot is actually a cross-species of the Michelin Man and the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. This explains the soft areas in the head after it thawed and is actually much more concerning than any ape-acobra thing. The lessons learned here is that you always need to expect the unexpected and Bigfoot may be edible.

The second salient point is that the body decomposed much quicker than anyone could of expected. After being frozen in a freezer, it was expected that the body would have lasted longer ultiamtely being utilized for years of research - probing, microscoping, testing, analyzing, etc. In reality, given the pressure of the ice on the body, it imploded on itself and ultimately decomposed as quickly as it thawed. The lesson learned is that if you catch a bigfoot put it in a walk-in regrigerator rather than a freezer. This way it will not decompose as quickly and if still alive will be able to get a snack.

Bigfoot? AWESOME!

Body Proves Bigfoot No Myth, Hunters Say

Seriously? This is ridiculiously AWESOME! And, just the type of publicity an environmental organization like ours needs right now...

The number of inquiries from media and concerned citizens has been overwhelming. Seriously overwhelming to the point that, if we do not respond to your e-mails in a timely fashion, please understand that we are care but only have two hands (and one is usually clutching a Dr. Pepper).

Locating a species like BIGFOOT (aka Yeti, Sasquatch, Big Hairy Guy, etc.) solidifies the concerns of multi-cross-exotic-species more than discovering Nessie or even Santa Claus. It draws awareness to the fact that there are species in your own backyard that will devour you if you drink too much and fall asleep naked in the woods. This reminds me of our time in Peru... nevermind.

There are a lot of people that are discounting the fact that these two distinguished gentleman do not really have the body of Bigfoot. Truth is that these same people are afraid of reality. They are the same people that will tell their children that the Easter Bunny does not exist.

In the coming days, it will become increasing clear that these gentleman do in fact have the body of Bigfoot. Unfortunatley, I will be missing the celebration as I have another 60 hours of "volunteer" work.

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