Bored of Directors Meeting

Today, as Executive Senior Director of the Foundation, I had the grand opportunity to meet with our Board of Directors. In preparation for the meeting, I had been renewing our organization's financials and kept asking myself the question they opened with, "Where did all the money go?"

After hours of analyzing financial statements, we discovered that we definitely have challenging times ahead. Apparently, our foundation's investment portfolio was heavily invested with Bernie Madoff and chicken poop fuel futures. Our losses do not include the current lack of donations from our key supporters given their personal financial situations, and the forecast doesn't look good. We feel that we will be able to survive this situation, but, like most organizations in today's tough economy, we will have to closely watch our cash flow.

I have been instructed to implement a new travel policy, which I've highlighted a few key changes below:

• We are no longer allowed to stay at 5-star resorts. We will now be limited to 4 1/2-stars or less, which is a major sacrifice.
• We can only travel by boat, train, bicycle, foot, and yak.
• Significant others (i.e. spouses, partners, girlfriends/boyfriends, strippers, etc.) are no longer allowed to travel with us.
• We must use unpaid, uneducated interns, if available at research/eradication location.

I have also been instructed to double our purple spotted hairless platypus eradication efforts and require that all of of our donors double their contribution immediately. Like you, I'd prefer not to lose my job as finding a job as an "Adventurer" can be quite challenging, so please Support the Cause!

Extinct Ibex Is Resurrected By Cloning...

Seriously? Resurrecting extinct species? What's next? Cloning Bigfoot?

Read more at http://tinyurl.com/clonedibex

Sea to Shinning Sea...

We recently returned from an exceptional expedition in Africa. It was an exhausting, yet exhilarating adventure. As many of you have read in your local newspapers, we discovered three previous unidentified species, which is always exciting. You will find the list below, which includes their Latin names:

• Golden South African Banana Crocodile, christophersonsonious biggious
• Fuzzy Green Legged Mouse Giraffe, tallious animalious
• Starry-Eyed Butterfly Shrimp, yumyumyum psst

Now that we are back in Las Vegas and have been granted permission to travel abroad (legally), we will be continuing our pursuit of the Purple Spotted Hairless Platypus in distant lands. Our next stop is Antarctica as we've received several unconfirmed reports of specimen that have been found in ice crevices . Apparently, the ice has preserved them exceptionally well - color is stellar, completely bald, and the spots are clearly present.

Seems like an odd place for a purple spotted hairless platypus, but, if, in fact, this is the case, this discovery will speak volumes to their distribution and how long they have been inhabiting our Mother Earth. This could be a much scarier problem that anyone ever could have imagined!